Funny Fortune Cookie Sayings

Updated September 13, 2022
quote from the article "The fortune you seek is in another cookie."
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    Created by Karina Goto for YourDictionary
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We all know the best part of the meal at your favorite Chinese restaurant: fortune cookies. They are a great source for funny sayings (perhaps less so for actual fortunes). YourDictionary has collected some of the funniest quotes from fortune cookies for you to enjoy, share, or put in your own cookies.

The Fabulous Fortunes

While fortune cookies are largely associated with Chinese food in the United States, they are actually an American invention from the early 1900s. These simple folded cookies contain a strip of paper with a short message that may be predictive in nature, or have words of wisdom, but most often is humorous. The messages may also contain Chinese characters or “lucky numbers.”

Today, fortune cookie sayings are also used for social media posts, greetings, and for people wanting to add messages to their own cookies.


Funny Fortune Cookies Quotes

Here are some humorous sayings discovered in fortune cookies. While some are intentionally funny, others may have been typos, bad translations, or just created by a confused fortune printer. Whatever the reasons, enjoy!

  1. The fortune you seek is in another cookie.
  2. A closed mouth gathers no feet.
  3. A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.
  4. A cynic is only a frustrated optimist.
  5. A foolish man listens to his heart. A wise man listens to cookies.
  6. You will die alone and poorly dressed.
  7. A fanatic is one who can't change his mind, and won't change the subject.
  8. If you look back, you’ll soon be going that way.
  9. You will live long enough to open many fortune cookies.
  10. An alien of some sort will be appearing to you shortly.
  11. Do not mistake temptation for opportunity.
  12. Flattery will go far tonight.
  13. He who laughs at himself never runs out of things to laugh at.
  14. He who laughs last is laughing at you.
  15. He who throws dirt is losing ground.
  16. Some men dream of fortunes, others dream of cookies.
  17. The greatest danger could be your stupidity.
  18. We don’t know the future, but here’s a cookie.
  19. The world may be your oyster, but it doesn't mean you'll get its pearl.
  20. You will be hungry again in one hour.
  21. The road to riches is paved with homework.
  22. You can always find happiness at work on Friday.
  23. Actions speak louder than fortune cookies.
  24. Because of your melodic nature, the moonlight never misses an appointment.
  25. Don’t behave with cold manners.
  26. Don’t forget you are always on our minds.
  27. Fortune not found? Abort, Retry, Ignore.
  28. Help! I am being held prisoner in a fortune cookie factory.
  29. It’s about time I got out of that cookie.
  30. Never forget a friend. Especially if he owes you.
  31. Never wear your best pants when you go to fight for freedom.
  32. Never kiss an elephant on the lips.
  33. Only listen to the fortune cookie; disregard all other fortune telling units.
  34. It is a good day to have a good day.
  35. All fortunes are wrong except this one.
  36. Someone will invite you to a Karaoke party.
  37. That wasn’t chicken.
  38. There is no mistake so great as that of being always right.
  39. You love Chinese food.
  40. I am worth a fortune.
  41. No snowflake feels responsible in an avalanche.
  42. You will receive a fortune cookie.
  43. Some fortune cookies contain no fortune.
  44. Don’t let statistics do a number on you.
  45. You are not illiterate.
  46. May you someday be carbon neutral.
  47. You have rice in your teeth.
  48. Avoid taking unnecessary gambles. Lucky numbers: 12, 15, 23, 28, 37
  49. Ask your mom instead of a cookie.
  50. This cookie contains 117 calories.
  51. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
  52. You think it’s a secret, but they know.
  53. If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is it naked or homeless?
  54. Change is inevitable, except for vending machines.
  55. Don’t eat the paper.

Of course, humor is subjective, but a snappy message is always fun to receive after dinner. Have you gotten a fortune that was even funnier? Let us know in the comments.