60 Funny Quotes About Family Anyone Can Relate To

For most people, family members are the first and often closest relationships that they have. You’ll spend a lot of time with these people in your life, and — unlike friends — you didn't get to choose them. While you love your family, a lot of what they do and say can leave you scratching your head. These funny family quotes will let you know that you're surely not the only one who feels that way! So let's face it: your relatives have their quirks, and it's nice to know you're not alone in this.

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Quotes About the Family Unit

It’s good to be able to laugh at ourselves and our family! Here are some funny family quotes guaranteed to make you laugh, maybe out loud. The first few are original sayings, followed by some quotes from comedians, authors and others.

  • There's nothing like a family vacation to make you appreciate a bit of separation.
  • Family: Our sanity might be debatable, but our bond is unbreakable.
  • Every family tree has some sap!
  • At a family reunion, you'll meet every human to whom you're related. Will you be elated? That's still to be debated.
  • From vanity to insanity, no one knows you better than your family.
  • What passes for normality in my family just might defy the laws of gravity.
  • Sometimes I think our family tree doesn't branch quite enough.
  • In my family, crazy is relative. All of them.
  • Family relations can be complicated, but still, they're ties that can't be separated.
  • We're loud and proud; when we get together there's a crowd. When it comes to my extended family, there's nowhere else I'd rather be.
  • "Families are like fudge ... mostly sweet with a few nuts." - Unknown
  • "If you don't believe in ghosts, you've never been to a family reunion." - Ashleigh Brilliant
  • "Family: A social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space." - Evan Esar
  • "In some families, 'please' is described as the magic word. In our house, however, it was 'sorry.'" - Margaret Laurence
  • "A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold." - Ogden Nash
  • "In the family sandwich, the older people and the younger ones can recognize one another as the bread. Those in the middle are, for a time, the meat." - Anna Quindlen
  • "Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city." - George Burns
  • "When our relatives are at home, we have to think of all their good points or it would be impossible to endure them." - George Bernard Shaw
  • "The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going." - George Carlin
  • "Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family." - Chelsea Handler

Quotes About Those Crazy Kids

Little kids tend to do and say silly things while they're still learning what it takes to be a normal human — or at least working their way to adulthood. Sometimes they're cute, sometimes they're naughty, and sometimes they drive their parents crazy. These original and famous crazy family quotes and sayings focused on kids make light of the all-important parent-child relationship:

funny family quote
  • Since the kid was born, I've been sleeping like a baby — not at all!
  • What's it like to be a parent? Question after question paired with congestion and indigestion.
  • What's the fastest way to feel the effects of old age? Become a parent!
  • Insanity is contagious: Parents catch it from their kids!
  • Ah, the wonders of parenting. I wonder where all my time goes. I wonder why I don't have any money.
  • Why did I think it would be fun to have a smaller version of me in the house?
  • Kids bring a lot of light into your life. Just check the power bill if you don't believe me.
  • From crawler to toddler to elementary school scholar, then onward to tween quickly followed by teen, the years will go by faster than anything you've seen.
  • Having a third child means you have to adjust from man coverage to zone defense.
  • My greatest fear is that my teenage child will do what I did during my own teenage years.
  • Of your home, you'll no longer be the queen when your sweet little child first becomes a tween.
  • Who is punished more when a teenager is grounded — the teenager or the rest of the family?
  • "There is only one pretty child in the world, and every mother has it." - Anonymous
  • "Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home." - Phyllis Diller
  • "In general, my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced on television." - Erma Bombeck
  • "Having a two-year-old is like having a blender that you don't have the top for." - Jerry Seinfeld
  • "The real menace in dealing with a five-year-old is that in no time at all you begin to sound like a five-year-old." - Jean Kerr
  • "Watching your daughter being collected by her date feels like handing over a million-dollar Stradivarius to a gorilla." - Jim Bishop
  • "Having children is like living in a frat house — nobody sleeps, everything's broken, and there's a lot of throwing up." - Ray Romano
  • "There are only two things a child will share willingly — communicable diseases and his mother's age." - Benjamin Spock
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Great Quotes About Other Family Members

You don't have to be a parent to realize that your family is wacky. There's humor to be found in your relationships with your own parents, siblings and even your extended family. Take a look at some funny quotes about family, including some original cute sayings and ways some very funny people view their family members.

  • Siblings are your first frenemies.
  • Siblings are like permanent play dates that you can't send home.
  • I'm sane compared to my sister.
  • Ode to my brother, we share the same mother. The things you say sometimes make me shudder, but I still love you more than any other.
  • An aunt is like an older sister who knows the scoop on your mom and likes to dish.
  • Uncles are your first bad influence.
  • Your uncle might have "got your nose" when you were small, but will always have your back when you're tall.
  • Cousins are friends who already know how crazy your family is.
  • Pets are like family, except you actually get to choose them.
  • You must really love my dad to put up with a stepchild like me!
  • "Never let an angry sister comb your hair." - Unknown
  • "A baby usually wakes up in the wee-wee hours of the morning." - Unknown
  • "The highlight of my childhood was making my brother laugh so hard that food came out his nose." - Garrison Keillor
  • "I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance—waiting for the bathroom." - Bob Hope
  • "Posterity is the patriotic name for grandchildren." - Art Linkletter
  • "Siblings: Children of the same parents, each of whom is perfectly normal until they get together." - Sam Levenson
  • "Fatherhood is great because you can ruin someone from scratch." - John Stewart
  • "No matter how old a mother is, she watches her middle-aged children for signs of improvement." - Florida Scott-Maxwell
  • "The advantage of growing up with siblings is that you become very good at fractions." - Robert Brault
  • "Your basic extended family today includes your ex-husband or -wife, your ex's new mate, your new mate, possibly your new mate's ex and any new mate that your new mate's ex has acquired." - Delia Ephron
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Beyond Funny Quotes About Family

Family can often be a source of tension, but it always helps to laugh about it. Knowing that other people feel the same mixture of exasperation and love for their relatives should make you feel better. Be sure to share these funny quotes with your own family — after all, laughter is the best medicine! Looking for more funny family quotes, or some that are more loving? Review a collection of powerful words about family to create your own quotes.