An oxymoron is a figure of speech which contains words that seem contradictory to one another. This incongruity can be accidental or deliberate, as in cases of humor.
53 Examples of Funny Oxymoron Quotes
Funny Oxymoron Quotes
- I am a deeply superficial person. - Andy Warhol
- Of course I can keep secrets. It’s the people I tell them to that can’t keep them. - Anthony Haden-Guest
- She used to diet on any kind of food she could lay her hands on. - Arthur Baer
- I distinctly remember forgetting that. - Clara Barton
- You'd be surprised how much it costs to look this cheap. - Dolly Parton
- The budget was unlimited, but I exceeded it. - Donald Trump
- I have a terrible memory. I never forget a thing. - Edith Konecky
- I hate people but I love gatherings. - Edna St. Vincent Millay
- Hegel was right when he said that we learn from history that man can never learn anything from history. - George Bernard Shaw
- Always be sincere, even when you don’t mean it. - Irene Peter
- Live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so. - Josh Billings
- We must believe in free will. We have no choice. - Isaac B. Singer
- I can resist everything but temptation. - Oscar Wilde
- It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech. - Mark Twain
- I can believe anything, provided that it is quite incredible. - Oscar Wilde
- The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep. - W.C. Fields
- I always avoid prophesying beforehand because it is much better to prophesy after the event has already taken place. - Winston Churchill
- I never said most of the things I said. - Yogi Berra
- Why don’t you pair ‘em up in threes? - Yogi Berra
Funny Oxymoron Quotes from Samuel Goldwyn
Samuel Goldwyn, a very influential movie producer during the 1920's through the 1950's, was famous for his humor. Here are a few of his funny oxymorons:
- A verbal contract isn’t worth the paper it’s written on.
- Include me out.
- A hospital is no place to be sick.
- Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined.
- Don't worry about the war. It's all over but the shooting.
- Gentlemen, I want you to know that I am not always right, but I am never wrong.
- Give me a smart idiot over a stupid genius any day.
- If I could drop dead right now, I’d be the happiest man alive!
- It’s more than magnificent-it’s mediocre.
- If Roosevelt were alive, he’d turn over in his grave.
- I’ll give you a definite maybe.
- If you fall and break your legs, don’t come running to me.
- I never put on a pair of shoes until I’ve worn them five years.
- I don’t think anyone should write their autobiography until after they're dead.
- I was always an independent, even when I had partners.
- I paid too much for it, but its worth it.
- I can give you a definite perhaps.
- It's absolutely impossible, but it has possibilities.
- Our comedies are not to be laughed at.
- I never liked you, and I always will.
- Spare no expense to save money on this one.
- The scene is dull. Tell him to put more life into his dying.
- Tell them to stand closer apart.
- When told his son was getting married: Thank heaven. A bachelor's life is no life for a single man.
- We’re overpaying him, but he’s worth it.
Anonymous and Funny Oxymoron Quotes
- It went over like a lead balloon.
- Thank God I’m an atheist.
- We are not anticipating any emergencies.
- Free advice is worth what you paid for it.
- I’m not going to say, “I told you so.”
- May I ask a question?
- This report is filled with omissions.
- Click the 'Start' button to shut down the computer.
- Spontaneity is good as long as it is controlled.
For more examples, check out Examples of Oxymorons.