Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse that attempts to make a victim question his or her own memory, perception, and sanity. By lying, denying, contradicting, and misdirecting, the abuser makes the victim question reality. Together, let's consider the question, "What is gaslighting?" and uncover a couple coping strategies for the victims of this abuse.

Origin of the Term

The term gaslighting originates from the 1938 Patrick Hamilton play Gas Light, commonly known as known as Angel Street in the United States. This play tells the story of a husband who tries to convince his wife she is insane by changing small elements of their environment and making her doubt her memory when she points out the changes.

The title refers to the gas lights in the house that would dim whenever the husband was using the lights in the apartment above to search for the missing jewels of a woman he had secretly murdered. The wife notices that the lights are flickering, but her husband insists she is mistaken.

Contemporary Usage

The term gaslighting has been used colloquially since the 1960s to describe behaviors in a number of different relationships.

Domestic violence. Physically abusive spouses may use gaslighting as a way to discourage their victims from seeking help or trying to leave the relationship.
Child abuse. Children exposed to neglectful and physically violent home environments often report elements of gaslighting in the parent-child dynamic. Gaslighting behaviors can also be seen when a child is being sexually abused by an older adult they trust.
Bullying. Although physical bullying is now dealt with harshly in schools, gaslighting and other forms of emotional abuse have been more difficult to combat. Gaslighting is often linked to cyber bullying via social media.
Politics. Gaslighting is sometimes used to describe political behavior that focuses on personal attacks, misdirection, and distraction instead of addressing specific policy issues. Use of the term grew during the 2016 US presidential election, directed at President Donald Trump's habit of aggressively attacking his political opponents and insisting that the media pushed "fake news" to discredit his ideas. This left many voters confused and unsure how to redirect the conversation back to the issues at hand.

Gaslighting and Narcissism

In psychology, gaslighting is linked to a narcissistic personality. A narcissist is someone who pursues gratification by admiring his or her own attributes. The term comes from Greek mythology, referring to the handsome Narcissus, who spurned many lovers and fell in love with his own reflection.

Signs of a narcissistic personality include:

Frequent lies and exaggerations
Being reluctant to admit flaws and mistakes
Extreme aggression when criticized
Being disrespectful of rules and boundaries
Manipulating others to achieve one's own goals

As you might expect, narcissism causes deep difficulty in building and maintaining healthy interpersonal relationships. Narcissists are also more likely to engage in other self-destructive behaviors, such as substance abuse, pathological gambling, or compulsive shopping.

There is no cure for narcissistic personality disorder, but psychotherapy can help the narcissist develop a more realistic sense of self and improve relationships with others.

Signs of Gaslighting

Gaslighting refers to a pattern of behavior that progresses over time, so it can be difficult to identify unless you're paying close attention to the dynamics of a relationship. Look for patterns in the actions of the abuser as well as the symptoms shown by the victim.

Someone who is engaging in gaslighting will regularly make comments that cast doubt on the victim's perception of a situation. For example:

You're making things up.
You're imagining things.
You're not remembering correctly.
Is this another one of your crazy ideas?
Don't be ridiculous.
You're making a big deal over nothing.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Anyone who says they agree with you is lying.

Over time, gaslighting can cause a number of symptoms in victims. For example:

Feeling unhappy and anxious
Second guessing yourself to the point where it becomes difficult to make everyday decisions
Constantly apologizing for perceived mistakes
Believing you're unworthy of love and support
Withholding information from friends and family for fear of judgment
Blaming yourself for the abuser's behavior
Worrying that you're overreacting or being too sensitive
Suffering from headaches, stomachaches, and sleep disturbances not attributed to any physical cause

Coping with Gaslighting

If you've been the victim of gaslighting, you may struggle with depression and low self-esteem as the result of the abuse you've suffered. Speaking with a qualified therapist can help you address your own mental health issues and move forward with your life. In addition to that, keeping a journal and confiding in a trusted friend can help you better see patterns in the abuser's behavior, thus making it easier to trust your own intuition and perception of the truth. When you're ready, feel free to read about the many Benefits of Emotional Journal Writing.